It was pink,
Not pretty, but dull colored. The blurry field of view that I caught in between winces of pain in the darkness revealed a flower there with white petals and a blue stamen in the center of it. One second longer and I could make out the folds in the curtain. I tried to pull myself closer to see, but something held me back, like a strong restraint while a sharp headache continued playing around my face and my temples. My face burned as if it had sunburned under heat lamps. I could not see much, but one eye was functioning with barely enough focus to make out the shapes in front of me.
I felt the outlines of a restraint encircling my forearm and struggled with it to get a closer look at the world around me. Opening my eyes a little wider made me see the moving shadows of people around me.
“He’s up again,” I heard one say. “Do you want to sedate him again, Doctor?”
“No, it is okay,” a female voice answered back. “Let’s see if we can talk to him this time.”
A fuzzy white lab-coat looking like a snow sculpture I made in the winter playing outside in the tingling crisp Idaho air passed before me blocking my view of the flowered curtain. “Doctor” stepped and into my field of focus to talk to me.
“Hello, I’m Doctor Stevenson,” she said. “Do you know where you are?”
“I’m Karl,” a voice came out of nowhere. I tried to swallow, but my mouth was dry. I could not see my nose, but I did get a glimpse of a tube coming out of my face. The stinging pain continued mixed with the soft drip of fluid onto my chin. It did not feel like water, but it was cold.
“I was eating a sandwich,” my voice said. “I got a pop with my lunch. Can you help me find it?”
“Karl you are in a hospital,” I heard her tell me. “I will have Denise get you some water. You have been here a while. Your sandwich is probably long gone,” she let her voice drop. I barely made out the features of the doctor. “Karl, I have to ask you some questions that I want you to answer as best you can. Do you understand?”
“Sure.”
“Karl, what is your last name?”
No clue. “Uumm,” I wondered. “VanDyke.” I guessed; already knew that wasn’t it. I looked at my blurry doctor with my out of focus eye for clues, and saw that she was just shaking her head.
“I think you saw that on TV last night. Try again?”
Last name - everybody has a stupid last name, God damn it. How the hell do I know… Austad? No. Who the hell am I? “Sebring?”
“Close, but that’s not it.”
“Shit,” said out of frustration.
“That’s not it either,” The girl named Denise laughed while she put a straw in my mouth. She had a dark hand that smelled nice. Her voice sounded like she might be my age… and black.
I took a sip of water and got it. “My name is Karl Rochester.”
My Dad is a racist ass. God, I hope I didn’t say that. That would not be cool, because I think I went to high school with Denise. The two girls, Denise and Doctor Stevenson, started laughing. I started feeling a little embarrassed.
“Come on,” I asked. “How is Sebring even close?”
“That’s because it’s my last name, Sweetie,” said a groggy older woman who sounded as if she was rising from a sound sleep.
“Mom?” I said, “how long have you been here?”
“Since the clinic exploded two weeks ago, honey.” I turned to see Mom through the haze as she pulled a blanket loose and came over to look at me. “I came right over here when they brought you in. How are you feeling, pumpkin.”
Yup, that was my mom! Sweetie, honey, pumpkin, until I did something wrong, then it was Karl or “Karl Hayward Rochester”. Dad was just Hayward for the longest time. I think they broke up. I was still kind of out of it, so I was not sure.
“I still feel a little strange. I had a hard time remembering my name,” this time I started to laugh with the rest of the crowd. “Mom, what happened?”
“I don’t know any more than you do,” She answered. “You were in the wrong place at the right time. The people on the news say someone planted a bomb inside the clinic.”
“I don’t know, Karl, but you looked like a mess when they took you into the O.R,” Denise said. “People at school were asking me if you were dead.”
“That’s fine, Denise,” said the doctor. “Karl, do you know where you live?”
“Eight-forty Sycamore Road East, Idaho Falls,” that one came to me quickly.
“No, baby, that was years ago,” Mom said. “We moved to Nevada when you were a kid.”
“Great,” said Doctor Anne, “where do you live now?”
“Okay, I think I live at 1213 Columbine, Carson City, Nevada.”
“Is that your mom or dad’s place, Karl?” Denise invited herself in.
“Denise, can you see to the other patients around here?” said the Doctor.
“Yes, Doctor Stevenson,” she was starting to turn and walk away, “Nice to see you again, Pat.”
“Thanks, Sweetie,” Mom said.
“Hey, Denise,” I said. “Tell the guys at school that I’m not dead.”
“I will, Karl,” she said. “Do you remember Gina Smith?”
“No, who is she?” I asked.
“She’s my cousin,” her voice darkened a little bit. “We’re having services for her tomorrow.”
“Denise…” came the doctor’s voice.
“Yes Doctor.” There was a sound of curtains being pulled a little as I think she left the room.
“Son, do you remember what happened?”
“No Mom, I just ordered a sandwich from that stand and sat down.”
“Son, I am so glad you are alive,” said Mom. “I think Gina was in the clinic at the time it exploded. There is nothing left of it.”
“What happened to me?” I asked, “Why am I here?”
“You almost died in here,” mom said.
“Not really, Pat,” Doctor Stevenson butted in. “We only needed to use the crash cart once to bring him back.”
“What’s a crash cart?” I asked. This was doctor-speak to me, and kind of new. I think I heard this stuff on T.V., but I really did not know. I am a fifteen year old high school dropout after all. There are a lot of things out there I just don’t know about.
“We had to pump a few thousand volts of electricity into your body to restart your heart, Karl,” the doctor answered me directly. “You lost a lot of blood when you came in, and…”
I heard Mom starting to sob. Doctor Stevenson’s voice slowed a little. “So Karl,” she seemed to put on a more friendly demeanor. “Who are you living with, Mom or Dad?”
Who I was living with? How the hell do I know? I remember them both. Mom moved out shortly after Dad quit smoking or some other such crap. I remember getting the money for the sandwich from Dad. I helped him load things into his garage and he gave me a twenty for it, so, “Dad…”
I think the doctor put her hand on my arm to feel my pulse, I guess. Mom’s hand curled up into mine. Just for a moment I was a kid again, walking into my first grade classroom, but then a light began to shine onto my face and I was back in the hospital bed. “Karl does your dad treat you right?”
“Sure,” I answered. “He’s my dad.” The light got brighter and then took up my whole view.
“Karl,” the doctor was waving the light in and out of my view. “Do you see this light?”
“What? Yes,” these questions were getting a little weird, but being a captive audience…
I think doctor turned the flashlight off just then and asked, “…and now?”
“Now what?” I asked the doctor, not knowing what she was driving at.
“Do you see the light now?” I could feel the doctor put the ridge of her hand on my forehead, or what was left of it, but I couldn’t figure out what the doctor was asking me to identify.
“What light?”
Suddenly my field of view exploded into brilliance. “That one,” the doctor said.
“Doctor, what’s wrong?” I heard my mom ask.
“I am not sure,” the doctor said, pulling Mom away so they could talk. “I don’t think…” I heard her voice trail off, “…tests” mumble “…specialist” whispers, “…but I need you to sign some forms.”
“…of course,” I heard Mom say.
“Doctor Stevenson,” I heard Denise bumble in, “Mr. Anderson is done with his bath, and I can’t find a nurse to check his catheter bag.”
“Thanks, Denise,” The doctor said speaking up. “I’ll take care of it.”
“Hey Karl,” Denise called over to me. “My shift is over. I usually eat lunch by myself. Can I watch some TV with you tomorrow?”
“Sure…” I said, “but, you have that service for Gina.”
“Yes, but that will be over before my shift here starts.”
“Okay, TV tomorrow, but I get the remote,” I said.
“Oh, we’ll just see about that,” I heard her chuckle. “I’ll see you tomorrow Karl.”
“See you Denise,” I felt myself smile.
A certain feeling grew up inside of me. On top of the pain dancing all around my face, there was also something rumbling underneath, a perception of having been missed by some unknown sniper with an awful intent to end my life. I felt as if I looked at my end and pushed it back just a bit to allow me to breath a few days, weeks, months, and then maybe years, longer.
I don’t think Denise and I were friends in high school, but I probably wasn’t this afraid of losing my life back then, either. I think I remembered having a baseball card collection before all of this. It might be still at Dad’s house, I don’t know. One thing I am sure of, at this moment I would have traded every one of those cards for a friend, maybe someone like Denise who would watch TV with me.
“Good night, Pat, “Denise said to my mom. “I’ll see you again tomorrow.”
“Thank you Denise,” Mom said. “I’d like that.”
I heard Dr. Stevenson ask Denise to walk with her down the hall. Their voices trailed off as they did, but being as I wasn’t that part of the camera crew covering that end of the reality show that was my life, I can’t tell you what they were saying. We can only hope it was good.
“Hi honey,” Mom said to me.
“Hi Mom.”
“What was that stuff that you and the doctor were talking about?” I had to ask. Boy, this had better be good.
“Oh that…” Mom hesitated. “the Doctor thinks you might be blind in your right eye.”
“Really?”
“I don’t know why she couldn’t just talk to you about it, but son...”
There was this long uncomfortable pause.
“Yes, Mom?”
“You don’t know what your face looks like, do you?”
Oh shit. Don’t mean to be a kill joy son, but you’re going to need to sneak up on your next glass of water next time you’re thirsty.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean you’re… probably not going to like the way you look right now.”
“What?”
“You were bleeding from your face and upper torso. The surgeons say they may still need to pull broken glass out of your face and head,” her voice was cracking and I could see her tear up through the haze. “But you’re alive, son. That’s all that matters.”
“Okay, I guess it is,” I said in resignation.
The sky darkened and the sun lowered into the window. The pink and orange sunset shown on the curtain next to my bed. The world had changed for me in the few short hours that I remembered having of this day. The white and blue lilly flower had shown its true colors for me, and the world began turning for me once again. This was the day that my life would start all over again.
